Finally Broke Down

The girls haven't even been alive for 2 months and I finally broke down and had to walk away. A part of me feels bad but another part tells me it was better for me to walk away from my precious girls. As their Mom I do all I can to provide and care for them. I hold them for long hours throughout the day and the night. I've taken pride in my patience, I just hate to hear my little angels cry.

Ryan was going to a meeting about maybe getting us financial assistance, which meant leaving both girls with me all by myself, for who knows how long. It scared me to death. To think about being by myself with them. What if one started choking? What if they wouldn't stop crying? What if I accidently dropped one? What if I hurt one of them? Just so many things could have gone wrong that I flipped out. I was feeding Zoe and I put the bottle down put her down and ran out of the room. I went upstairs and took a minute breather. Keep in mind Ryan had to leave and I was stopping that from having this melt down. I wasn't even upstairs 3 minutes when I came back down and saw Ryan sitting on the bed calmly feeding Zoe. We argued for a little bit and I told him to go and take Mackenzie with him, it was easier for me to just have one baby instead of both.

So, he grabbed Mackenzie and went on his way. He hadn't been gone 10 seconds before I just let the tears come and I bawled like I hadn't in a very long time. Everything from the last while finally caught up to me and I broke down. It wasn't just an easy cry for 10 minutes and it was over...no this cry was at least a half hour. I couldn't breathe, I'm feeding one of my babies rocking back and forth letting my tears fall where they may. I finally finished the feeding, burped and changed Zoe and got her nice and calmed so we could lay down together where I proceeded to apologize to her and tell her how much I loved her and her sister and daddy. Laying there watching her get drowsy I counted my blessing for not being a single mother, not having to worry about a roof over my daughters heads or where their next meal will come from. I finally fell asleep holding my sweet girl knowing that Ryan and I could get through this...together.

On another note I know there have been people sweet enough to donate their time, or money to help us raise these girls. Ryan's parents have gotten us a good amount of diapers and wipes...YAY! My sister has donated clothes and blankets and a couple other things however, raising twins isn't an easy task. If there is anyone that would be willing to donate to us, anything that would be of use to raise two beautiful little girls everything is appreciated.